gotta do what you gotta do.

life isn’t only about trusting the process, but doing the process. it’s about action. and sometimes that action is ugly. or it’s not how you imagined it, but it’s the process.

so often, we adults talk about the finished product even when we know every day is a new step. everyday, we try to do better. we fast. we read. we diet. we workout. we meditate. we go to therapy. we breathe with purpose. we forgive. we ask for patience. we do actions. we know we just don’t wake up being disciplined or having patience. even the most patient person you know had to work on it. they had to practice being patient and then had to trust the process while doing so. you practice being who you are.

sometimes, being mature sucks. sometimes, therapy sucks. a lot of the things people do for YOU isn’t convenient for them, but it makes your life easier. it makes your life better. you must DO to live a life. and you might not like those actions, but you love the results. you do what you gotta do.

there’s a video of Denzel Washington talking to an amateur actor on the red carpet. the amateur actor said he wants to be where Denzel is in his career and that he is on social media. he does skits with himself. Denzel told him to get on stage. even if he’s holding a vase, get on stage. be in front of live people and act. he told the actor “if you wanna be where i am, do what i did.”

when you see others, you see how it looks and if it’s not how you envisioned it, feelings get involved. because of course, you know better. you’re the perfect activist. you’re the best coach. you’re the best friend. you never check yourself, you check others.

we love when people are responsible and disciplined, but when they show you what it is that got them to that point, we say they’re extra. that adult was a kid one day who practiced their ways.

and guess what. shhhhhh. it’s a whole lot of “no’s” you need to hear and say if you want a specific result. accept it.

OH. YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT PARENTING AND MENTORING, TOO.

my parents raised me and they did a phenomenal job. i know this, but i’m reminded because people tell me all the time. if you compliment me, you’re complimenting my parents. what if i told you my dad had rules, but was also very free? what if i told you my mom spanked me? what if i told you they let me, at 9 years old, walk out the house to school with no jacket, wearing shorts, a tank top and boots at 8am because i wanted to dress like DMX because they wanted to teach me lesson in that decision that i take to this day that also benefits others? i mean, yall hate gender norms, right? but what if i told you they told me i had to open doors for women and take out the trash because even though i was the youngest, i had sisters as siblings? ooooh. that benefits YOU, so it’s okay. we use so much rhetoric without doing anything. we just talk about a perfect way of doing things until it’s time to do. theeeeeen we see what it’s like to be responsible or stand up for something.

i remember i went for a hike maybe a month ago. 282 stairs. it’s brutal, but you get used to it. when i was taking an extended rest at the top, there was this young man breathing hard. 13 maybe 14 years old. an older dude came up right after him, maybe 30 years of age. “i know you don’t think we’re done,” is what he said to the younger dude.

“that’s A LOT!”

“it is a lot. nobody said that. but we’re not done. we said we’re doing this again. so we’re going again. let’s go back down. it’s not rush, but we’re doing another one.”

sheeesh.

i start walking down the 282 stairs to the car because i was done. i see the younger dude walking back up. crying. not like someone just died, but frustrated. he’s frowning and has his hands on his hips. tears were coming down his face, but he was walking up them stairs. this is maybe 500 stairs in a span of 15 minutes. i gave the brother a head nod and said “aye you doing a great job, King. sucks now, but you’re right there. i see you.”

still going down the stairs heading to the car, i see the older cat and ask him is that his kid? he said naw, it’s his best friend’s child. i said “man. we need more people like you. we thank you. this discipline and goal setting is what we need. keep it up, Fam. thank you.” he gave me a dap and continued up the stairs. when i got all the way down, no lie, i said, “naw. i gotta do one more.” so i went up again. i was motivated by that. but also challenged. i ain’t got a reason to lie or be ashamed. i saw that young man do that and he, without knowing, checked me. i was embarrassed to just do it once! i sure was.

see. people see or hear stuff like this all the time on social media without context, only the ending and make conclusions. whole thinkpieces. call it shame and bullying and toxic. people see a 15 second clip of a boy walking up stairs and say “alright i get the point, but that’s enough. he’s a child. that’s toxic masculinity. you don’t have to prove you’re a man by doing that.” but when that same child becomes a man and he’s accomplishing his goals and doesn’t quit because of frustration and is leading a pack or motivating people and points back to that very day or experiences with that guy, you say “YES!! THIS IS THE TYPE OF MAN WE NEED!! SHOUT OUT TO WHOEVER RAISED HIM.” it aint always cute, yall. do what you gotta do. that kid is going to be an adult one day and only a few people will see what he did to get to that point.

mentoring isn’t always done by simply saying “you can be more. keep going.”

discipline isn’t always taught by saying “if you don’t do the dishes, i’m going to be mad.”

a solid work ethic isn’t always taught by simply applying to a job.

and freedom isn’t EVER gotten by asking for it.

people for what we have today. people were marching and being a straight nuisance to those in power. you think people enslaved were being gentle? you think lawyers are polite behind the scenes when fighting for you? you must harass your oppressor and those causing harm. accept the process. they were causing havoc and making lives inconvenient. the same stuff people are doing all over the world like rebellions, marching, closing down freeways in the middle of rush hour traffic… yeah. alldat stuff YOU HATE was done by people before you to get you here. if you don’t wanna do something, okay. but don’t talk about freedom and not be ready to fight for it. don’t talk about freedom and not be ready to be tested. don’t say you want something and think it’s going to look sexy doing it all the time. that aint likely. that aint practical. that aint life. stop quoting Malcolm X and “by any means necessary” when you don’t believe that. life aint a tweet or a quote with a picture behind it.

trust the process. do the process. assess the process. and adjust the process. but gotta do what you gotta do.