society has made committed relationships and marriage look really boring and really scary.
we aaaaaaaaall know when a failed relationship occurs, we point at them and God.
so many members of I’m The Best Person To Talk about Relationships Because I’ve been Played Ten Times But Not Once It Was My Fault So I’m Forever Anti-God and Anti-Relationship are speaking and ruining the hope and life for others.
but i tell you like this: if you like playing in the rain, gotta deal with the mud, too.
when you give up on love, all you see is hate.
when you give up on God, all you hear is demons.
when you give up hope, all you have left is despair.
when you give up on relationships, all you have is divorce.
when you give up on life, all you have is death.
i get sad when people in their TWENTIES give up on LOVE. that’s unacceptable. that’s just flat out unacceptable and deflating.
a lot of us have to take accountability for what came our way. a lot of us have done horrible things and the reactions after weren’t our desire. but it happened.
but on the flip side,
like Will Smith said, fault vs responsibility.
when it’s not out fault, we think we have no responsibility afterwards. but it’s OUR heart. it’s OUR life. it’s our responsibility to tackle it and move on. it’s our responsibility to try to forgive and live a loving life although it wasn’t our fault we’re in this situation.
Our Minds Dictate our Words. Our Words Dictate our Actions.
you have people, friends and mothers and homies who get in your ear and since they are so close to you, their ideas soon to be yours.
“relationships at your age is not a good idea.”
“she’s not going to satisfy you like your last girl.”
“God ain’t needed in your life. your relationship. look at them. they ‘had’ God and look where they are.”
and we adopt these detractors all the time.
we effectively have given up on hope and love and God. and those are literally all we have to live for!!
LOVE? HOPE? God?? if we have no God, we have nothing. we stop believing in hope, at twenty eight??!! cmon. any age, but at the age you are and you have forfeited LOVE?? LOVE? that’s all we got.
it’s hard. but you have to want it. and as humans, when we want something, we try to get it. when we set our mind to fixing that table, it will be fixed. we have to set our mind on being happy. it may seem like nothing can ever happen so drastically to shift your mind and heart, but therein is the difference. the problem. the mentality. those who want change to happen allow the possibility of change. those who want love allow the possibility of love. those who want life allow the possibility of life happening. you cannot possibly HOPE tomorrow is going to be a good day without thinking and believing tomorrow will be a good day. not declaring every single day will be joyous but it starts with the mind. we must allow the possibility of it happening.
“oh yeap. this movie is going to be horrible. they said it was horrible. moms said it was horrible. friends said it was horrible. it will be horrible. i’m going to watch it tho.”
NO. change the mindset.
“i knew it would be poisonous.”
yeah, and you tainted it. you made sure to do whatever you could to make sure the situation played out the way you wanted it.
“false. i DID want it to work. i didn’t do anything.”
so you gave it a fresh slate? you gave him a chance? he didn’t do anything but you still treated him like the previous fools you got with. so now you pushed him away and “see if he was serious, he would have stuck it out. there is nobody out there for me.”
and the cycle continues.
and when you get someone good, you criminalize them with the words and lack of trust. or you internalize it all. you think to yourself “there’s no way he’s legit. there’s no way he’s this sincere. he’s playing me. he’s only juicing me to get in the bed.”
ATTRACT VS ACCEPT.
people ask me you got any brothers or whatever. cus “there ain’t no good men around. whoever got you is blessed. men ain’t sh*t. ”
true to the whomever has me is blessed. but wrong overall.
i’m like no. i don’t. truth is… you want a scrub to continue the narrative.
you have to WANT a good man. you having the perception of a good man being boring is blinding and limiting you. not them. and it kills a committed relationship before it even starts.
all these women wanting a bad boy to be good? get ya mind right.
we’re always talk about “why do i keep attracting bad guys? why do i only attract the girls who play me?”
we ACCEPT the bad guys. we ACCEPT the girls who play us. we made that choie when we went on dates and responded to all those texts and facetimes and had sex and gave them us and our time and neglected the OTHER good guys. then when they bounce and it’s their fault. but we entertained them for months, years. they got tired of you being a one trick pony.
we neglect the other ones because they aren’t BOOM, *instantly. we live in a generation where instant gratification is king. if someone doesn’t instantly BOOM, we cut out and don’t look back. then shift our eyes and attention to someone who gives you a BOOM today and tomorrow but the spark fizzles next week. but we think “no. it’s there. just give it more time. i know it’s there. it was there before, it’ll be back.” and we invest so much time and our bodies to people who should temporary. that’s our fault.
don’t you dare blame THE ALMIGHTY UNIVERSE or God for those who are in your life. you allowed them to be in your life. you could have cut them out. you gave them your time.
you wanna lose weight, you wanna tone up, you wanna gain muscle? you go to the gym. you go places that are highly likely to reflect your desire. you choose where you go and the things you talk about.
you’re having dense conversations about Drake and a Popeyes chicken sandwich and wonder why nobody you talk to is about anything? looks like you aren’t either. they’re probably saying the same thing about you right now. “yeah bruh/sis, they were whack. only talked about xyz. the sex was good tho.”
YOU. you choose almost every thing. you applied for that job. you applied for that school. you chose that phone. you ate that food. you drank that alcohol. but we don’t choose who we keep in our lives?
one thing we don’t choose: our looks.
you being cute and handsome was not your choice. you had absolutely no say in that matter. so don’t flatter yourself and don’t get too high when he compliments your eyes or dimples and don’t get too low when you’re not her type. your parents did that. you did not. people being *attracted to you is not a reflection of your character.
how you behave and how they respond and approach you and their expectations and respect or disrespect IS.
therefore, you getting played is equally a you thing. not just a them thing.
how you carried yourself around that person or persons gave them enough information of you to treat you a certain way. you said just enough or did enough for them to shoot a shot and get cozy with you and lay up with you and say sweet nothings in your ear and get some and keep it lit.
you said just enough for them to go on a date with you, not pay, and months later you realize she only wanted free meals. you did enough for them to friendzone you five minutes after yall met but still know they can take advantage of you for months to come.
you talk to a certain parent differently because of how they established themselves. you DON’T talk to a friend the same way you talk to another because of how they behaved or spoke.
same thing. people you talk to or pursue, get at you how you built it. you lead, they followed.
i say this as someone who has been taken advantage of.
i ignored signs. i refused to believe things. women were ATTRACTED to me and i said naaaaaw. i want HER. and HER was who i accepted. i have to own that. i was attracted to many. not my fault. i accepted the ones who did no good. my fault.
this doesn’t even have to be a HORRIBLE situation. doesn’t have to be a cheating or physically abusive ordeal.
i let a very hurt distraught woman enter my life. she was emotionally BEAT. i said enough and did enough for her to feel comfortable to drop that load on me. i didn’t want her to, but my actions lead her to believe i was the one.
i wasn’t the one.
and that situation ended poorly. my bad.
do not give up on life. there are some miners. they mine stones and gems and diamonds. they’ll be working for hours. days. MONTHS looking for something valuable. but if they just stopped when it got rough, all the work they did prior would be in vain. all of the work that miner did would be setting someone else up for a goldmine without the work. because you just did it all.
and what we sometimes fail to realize is that work IS working. it sometimes doesn’t look like it but the work we’re putting in IS working. and we’re just on more day from striking. we’re one more day away from getting the rare results and opportunity we’ve been putting in work for. don’t give up. don’t stop.
don’t give up on God. that’s the worse thing we can do. when all else seems to be going the wrong way, God is our north star. we NEED to have a belief system higher than us. it’s imperative. we, in a glimpse, are gone. we can’t fight back water. we can’t fight moons and planets in retrograde and stars. we need to link up with the one responsible for putting all of these things in line. God will talk to you. we will not listen. things will happen. differentiate between our humanly flaws and what God told us NOT to do and us doing it and consequences from such. He will STILL love and forgive and start over. humans hold grudges. He does not.
do not give up on God. reestablish that relationship.
mentalities. ALLOW life. ALLOW good people to enter our lives. ALLOW HOPE. ALLOW relationships to form.
and finally, attract vs accept. we attract tons of people. we don’t have tons of friends because regardless of attraction, we still have to accept. we accept bad people. we accept girls who have bad intentions because she has a big booty and dimples and throw it back. we accept bad boys because he has a beard and got clout and a nice smile.
all in all, don’t give up. please. you’ve come too far. you really have. you’re not alone. keep fighting. reach out to people. there are people who find you valuable. work on LIKING yourself today. that’s so important. LIKE yourself. then work on LOVING yourself. there are steps to this confidence thing. please forgive yourself. forgive yourself. forgive them. release it. forgive yourself sista. you didn’t know what would happen. it did, now forgive yourself. please brotha, do not stop fighting. do not give up. HOPE LOVE and God is all we got.
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