there’s this one woman i’ve known for a decade. since she was a teenager.
a lot has happened between us but i’ll make this brief.
she was always hyphy.
always making sure things are where they’re “supposed” to be.
sweet and decent at communicating, she was getting into fights at school, telling people off on college tours. but she remained true to herself. that’s what noteworthy. she had a reason for it, never an “i don’t know.”
throughout the years, we got closer but she began to question herself. her upbringing. her teachings. her habits. social norms. not to say they were ever wrong but might not have been the most productive for a nourishing, fulfilled life.
she asked herself, “why do i think this way? why do i require this?”
this woman has had the most impact on me over the last nine years. she seeks change and goes get it. now instead of telling people off of authority who can possibly help her, she goes at systems of oppression rooted in authoritarianism. she’s not focused on the small fries. she challenges patriarchy and misandry. she checks herself by talking to wise counsel. looks at herself in the mirror and if she doesn’t like what she sees, she doesn’t put make up over, she goes to the root of it.
she works out every single day. despite her mood or hairstyle.
this woman makes sure her college work and money is all good at the same time. she used to only read fifty shades of grey. day to night. literally. the whole day. now she reads WEB Dubois and Karl Marx. not to say those books aren’t necessary. they are. we need a recess. but to say she’s changed. a bit prideful, i’m fine with that. we all need some ego.
the point is: be the change you want to see. stop waiting for everyone to change around you when you’re not doing anything. if you want to see Black love, be Black love. if you want to see a less racist society, don’t purpurate racism. don’t be Black and complain about racist police, join just to be a gang member and hurt random people. you’re just continuing the problem we all complain about. if you want to see sexism cease, check your own sexist views. read and watch videos about unlearning sexism. you want a more distributed society, help it by doing that very thing.
in second grade, i was in class and they had a buddy system for going to the bathroom. i was just minding my second grader business when a third grader bully came in and pushed my buddy. the moment was then. do you continue to mind your business or step up and use what you have to combat bullies and unjust? i pushed him. he fell. cried. got me in trouble. but at that moment, i had to make the choice. i had to be what i want others to be and do. stand up for what’s right no matter what’s behind that door.
the only visible tattoo i have is on my hand. got it at eighteen years old. i’m not waiting for laws to pass to get jobs to say “that’s okay.” and i’ve been doing pretty good since then.
i grew my hair out, have locs. i’m not depending on Galvin Newsome and lawmakers to say “hey!! don’t discriminate against natural hair. it’s just hair.” The Crown Act that was signed the start of 2020 is cool. but i don’t need you to legalize my hair for me to think it’s acceptable. be the change you want to see and change the narrative on your own if you have to. wherever i go, if my hair makes you say “i don’t think he’s right for this role,” good. i don’t want to be anywhere close to your if you conclude my hair disqualifies me.
i stopped talking about bad credit and went and worked to get excellent credit. but still… that’s not enough. i laced people on how to get great credit.
i want people to understand men can say “no” to sex, too. i want yall to respect our “no’s.” so what do i do? practice discipline. try to remain non sexual friends with women who have sexual appeal because i think that’s best for THAT particular relationship. i’ve told good looking women “naw i’m good” or “i don’t want to have sex with you” numerous times. but i went into each situation knowing i didn’t. women can say “i don’t want to have sex with you” mid way and “why can’t we just be friends?” but men can’t? men can’t turn down sex? i’ve gotten into arguments; women have stopped talking to me because i didn’t have sex with them. i’m sure i’m the butt of many text threads but not one woman can ever say Julius played me or used me or anything disrespectfully actually.
be the change you want to see. every day.
i want people to know every time i speak, something real is about to be said. even if i just say “no” or “yes.” the very woman this is dedicated to tells me i talk a lot. i’m working on condensing it, but i’m okay with that because i’m confident every time i speak, truth is coming out my mouth. honesty. i don’t hold my tongue for anyone. my parents, managers, women, men, sake of being politically correct. no.
i know i’m doing God’s work. i know i’m protected. God cuts the paychecks when you’re doing his job. there are no dress codes, no hair limits. no vocabulary tests. whatever i do while in His will, ima be good. might not have fancy cars but i might. might not have two islands, but i might. i might not have a collection plate or offering or pastoral support, but i will be happy. i will be rewarded.
i know i can’t die until yall know the deal. so my job is to do exactly that, let yall know what time it is. we all have different roles in this movie called LIFE. but this movie called LIFE is real. lives are at risk, babies are at risk. there are people living on the street at a time of a pandemic, they’re waiting for the director to say CUT but we’re the directors. we’re the ones who can change things.
be consistent. stand firm and don’t waver on your principles. no matter the person or place.
leave him or her better than when you first met them. don’t leave damaged goods at the store.
what you won’t do for $1, don’t do for $100,000. period.
you want change in your life, make change in your life and wait for no one.
that’s like saying “aw man, all the gyms are closed. guess i can’t work out. aw man, all the restaurants are closed, guess i can’t eat tonight.” if you don’t *attempt to go get what you want, you’re not worthy of having it. don’t preach freedom when you wait for another man to reward you with it.
i salute that anonymous woman. she has questions about what life is and goes after it. i am grateful for your work. she stopped talking about health and physical wealth and went and got it. continue being the change you want to see. i’ll be Django. i shouldn’t have gifted that jump rope you bought me. sorry. love you.
if you don’t see happiness, create what happiness will look like to you.
be happy today, people.
*support Black women. listen to Black women. protect Black women.
peace and love.