heartless.

i will be good in bed.

i will satisfy you. but i’ll be bad to you.

is it a crime that i never had sex? never made love?

do you judge me because i haven’t kissed anyone is years but slept with tons in the past months?

i sure know how to f*ck. i do that well. she wanted to make love, but i don’t know how to. i never have. am i bad?

i didn’t have the soulmate you came across early in life. i don’t have the lifetime channel love. i’m not Russell Wilson and you’re not Ciara. i never been spoiled by a significant other.

i’ve been told “don’t fall for me” “don’t like me” and i replied “same.” after some good ol bed screeching and back breaking, she got in her feelings. i remained the same. we both agreed to not like each other and i kept my end of the deal.

look. ima late night organ donor. that’s it. that organ isn’t a heart.

i have no heart.

i didn’t have the great mom&dad dynamic. i didn’t have anyone to admire. no one admired me. i had to make sure i was good. i had to make sure i was satisfied. is it bad that i made sure i got mine?

when i’m with someone, all we do is f*ckandargue… yeah.. f*ckin argue.

i will be bad to you. i’ll be good in bed, but i’ll be bad to you. i won’t commit to you. it ain’t nothing you did or didn’t do. it’s me. i admit. and i’ll prove it to you. you will be blind because you wanna like me. you think i’m capable of loving. you will be patient with me. don’t. you’re gonna text your friends how dope i am. how good i am in bed and you’re gonna confuse that with how i might be a candidate for a future. i’m not.

you think you got me.

you don’t.

i got some issues.

i often wonder if i still feel. i wonder if there is a soul somewhere in this cold carcass of mine.

there are multiple me’s. i’m everywhere. you know me.

you are friends with me. your friends are me. you used to be me. i’m in your family. i’m your son. i’m your daughter. i’m you. maybe not today. maybe not anymore. but i’m in you.

i’m heartless.

listen to Wale x Tiara Thomas x Bad

PS. writing is therapeutic. i learn so much while writing. i check myself when writing. i try to be honest with you all by giving real examples and experiences. i do not have it all together. i do not. i am working on bettering myself daily. when we read, often think the writer is authority and they are preaching because they have that subject matter perfected. think again. i’m learning. i need to get better at apologizing and forgiving and saving and happiness and credit and loving and not judging. stay patient and enjoy your own journey.

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*IF YOU’RE IN LA AND WANT SOME GOOD FOOD, GO TO HABESHA TAQUERIA.

IF YOU NEED SOME DOPE MUSIC, GO CHECK OUT MY BROTHER SOLO B.

IF YOU WANT SOME DOPE ART, Mary.

ENTERTAINMENT TO SUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE, TASHA.

IF YOU WANT SOME PRETTY DOPE AND QUALITY CLOTHES, MY BROTHER HENOK.