cleaning out my closet.

we gotta check ourselves.

i gotta check myself. i have to.

we can quickly point out the flaws of others and tell them what they must do to make your life easier, but we can’t look at ourselves and pinpoint what we must do to make those close to us and our loved ones happier and stress less.

it is a hard task to do. but let’s do it.

i’ll start.

i am sorry.

i’m sorry for not meeting people half way when it’s in the best interest for both parties. when i have an idea, i ride till the rims fall off. i could keep the rims on if i met yall half way. there are often times when those who love us are willing to meet us half way. or those close to us are happy to offer an alternative for you and them… and we, full of pride, reject their notion. we reject their idea of simplicity.

i’m guilty of it.

i’m sorry for uhhh. sorry for being immature at times. there are times when i know it doesn’t call for it but hell. it’s fun. it’s a moment of unease so i try to ease my pride by being immature as if it’ll go away. it doesn’t. it won’t. immaturity isn’t a defense mechanism. it’s… immature.

i need to get better at letting people help. letting people do what God set them out to do. people enter our lives for a reason and i am guilty of declining that act so i don’t have to deal with the possibility of it failing. and if it does, i can take accountability for it. but why not live by yourself with only two numbers in your phone contacts and cook and grow your own food and stitch and weave your own clothes and cut your own hair and create your own entertainment. why not just be in total isolation? i mean, i push everyone away when they can obviously help, why not just do everything by myself?

i need to get better at saying “okay” and accepting people are going to do what they wanna do. people are going to believe what they wanna believe. i can’t persuade a grown established mind on my time anything. that grown established mind must come to it in their own time and own will.

i have to get better at putting myself first. i’ve learned the hard way that putting people first is teaching them to place me second.

i have to self reflect.

i have to take it lighter on people. i go full force on everybody. all the time. i gotta chill.

i am rude at times. i am cold. i am nonchalant.

in conversation, i do sometimes shut down.

i can get better.

i have to get better at picking my battles.

i have to acknowledge that i ain’t everybody’s cup of tea.

it might be you.

women, it might be you. you might be a trash person.

fellas, it could very well be you. you might be a scrub.

“i know people backstabbed you, i felt bad too. but this F*CK EVERYBODY attitude ain’t natural”

people have done me wrong. family. friends. coworkers. i’m the beast i am due to a lot of circumstances. but i have to get softer.

people know i give it to them raw. people know i’m always rational. but that makes me, weirdly enough, seem less human. more robotic. people think me and Kawhi Leonard are brothers!!

i don’t look to be emotionless. i don’t look to be unapproachable. i am who i am.

but i need to understand my audience better.

i always say this generation is whack. i always say millennials gotta get it together, mentally. my peers are just wylin.

F*CK WRONG WITH EVERYBODY is what you saying. but if everybody’s crazy, YOU’RE the one that’s insane. crazy how life works…

i need to take a step back.

i challenge everybody to check themselves.

think about the things people close to you are saying about you.

do better.

to be a great man, i gotta push myself. i gotta do better.

i start this challenge with myself.

i’m living a life. i’m learning. just like you. i need the space to do so.

listen to Jay Z Kill Jay-Z.

PS. writing is therapeutic. i learn so much while writing. i check myself when writing. i try to be honest with you all by giving real examples and experiences. i do not have it all together. i do not. i am working on bettering myself daily. when we read, often think the writer is authority and they are preaching because they have that subject matter perfected. think again. i’m learning. i need to get better at apologizing and forgiving and saving and credit and loving and not judging. stay patient and enjoy your own journey.

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