Momma look at your Son, what happened to my smile?

see i know what, we’ve got to do… you let go. and i let go too. cus no one’s hurt me more than you, and no one ever will. no matter how i think we grow, you always seem to let me know, it ain’t working. it ain’t working.
sincerely, Julius.

first thing’s first, i’m not here to influence people to hate the same things i hate. with that being said…

To amerikkka,

i hate you. you’ve done more harm to me than anyone could imagine. you have intentionally tried to kill, rape, rob, choke, play, destroy and exploit me and people with the same melanin as me. and the sad thing is, we’re still here. Black people are still positive. still hopeful. still “well there’s other places that are worse. we got it good here.” still not in formation. Black people still are some of the most “patriotic” people out there. we’re the ones who deep down respect the 1st amendment. not those white people who refuse to hear us talk when we do. or who hates when we protest loud and about that action or when we protest silently. we’re the ones who had HOPE when Barack Obama was elected. we actually had hope for this country. ain’t that something? after all these years, centuries, Black people had hope… in retrospect, it was kinda laughable and naive of us to think change was amongst us. i speak frequently to my boy Henok, one of the smartest people I know. “A broken car is a broken car, don’t matter who’s driving it,” is what he told me this past Tuesday when speaking about amerikkka and who runs the country. we ain’t got any reason to love this land, and here we are.
Black people built this country. built. For the F. that house that the president lives in, Black people. the reason why amerikkka is a powerhouse globally, Black people. Black people literally were slaves in the country you live in less than two hundred years ago. the format and layout of Washington, DC was constructed by a Black man. Benjamin Banneker. Washington, the state, is named after a slave owner. just think about that. hell, MY last name is Washington. my last name is from a slave owner.
Black people spend so much time acting for y’all. you know how stressful it is to own twenty hats and put a different one on everywhere you go because you might be “too urban” or “too ghetto” or too yourself? Black people, we straighten our hair to be accepted. we talk differently when we answer the phone. go to company functions. how many of y’all know what the show Seinfeld is? Cheers? Friends? even if you ain’t watched it, y’all heard of them? *search Best Comedy shows of all time, not one with a Black lead. and y’all KNOW who owns comedy. Kevin Hart runs the world. Chappelle is the King. Fresh Prince will have you rolling and woke. But how many of y’all watched Living Single? Friends was inspired from Living Single and y’all ain’t even heard of it. why? all Black cast. whitewashing is why. yet, here we are. still tryna be accepted. we don’t need this. we don’t deserve this.

Fences. Hidden Figures. Selma. Butler. Creed. Black Panther. and Black people are begging the Oscars for acceptance. we don’t need this, but here we are. still hopeful that “if you put in the hard work, you will be rewarded.”
NaS doesn’t have ONE Grammy. Tupac doesn’t have ONE Grammy. not one. Eminem? 15. Macklemore? 4. and we still be like “man this gotta do it. they’re gonna love this.”

excuse me if i ain’t that happy and stoked when talking about the land of the free. how are Black people supposed to feel supported and confident in the law? when the Constitution was written, Black people were considered property. 3/5ths of a person at a point. do your research on why the electoral college exist to elect presidents and whatnot. the Constitution was not written for people who looked like me. i can’t say that any other way. why the hell would i stand for the flag? Why would I sing the pledge of allegiance or star spangled banner at sports events or school? why?

these States ain’t ever pledged allegiance to me.

land of the free but when we act free, we get killed.

white people are protesting with assault rifles to intimidate public officials to open the economy, none of them are shot. but Tamir Rice was 12 years old when he was shot and killed for having a toy gun at the park. now we can’t even play at parks. if you tell me it’s not because of race one more time.

amerikkka, you have failed me.

in the South, there are tons of statues of slave owners. all over amerikkka, there are high schools and streets and states named from men who owned humans. amerikkka celebrates president’s day. in Berlin, there ain’t Hitler statues. there isn’t a day reserved to get in line and say “hail Hitler” in front of a flag. even Black people to this day, give so much honor to a country who tried to kill Black people off. y’all seen The Purge? that isn’t a fictional story. you think the writers came up with that out of the blue? for forty years, the GOVERNMENT conducted a “study” and injected Black men with syphilis. this is 1932-1972. not that long ago in the united states. the country that fights for rights. please. the purge movie is real. it happens every day.

wonder how many people know amerikkka bombed Japan with Hiroshima and Nagasaki AFTER they surrendered. well, the bombs just had be tested somewhere and no better time than the present.

Vietnam war. yeah the States were the good guys. look up My Lai massacre and that will support that claim i’m sure. look up Wounded Knee Massacre. look up Tulsa Race Riot. Please. look them up. the Las Vegas shooting is a HORRIBLE disaster that shouldn’t have happened. that’s not in question. however, it being the single worst mass shooting in amerikkka is simply not true. it doesn’t take much to debunk that. media will tell you how it is. now it’s on you to believe that lie. most will. most will not just believe it, but spread it as if they did their own research.

people will get stoked and all red white and blued out for 4th of July and NO ONE KNOWS WHAT JUNETEENTH IS. NO ONE. the actual day the last slaves were freed? *Juneteenth should be the real holiday being 4th of July 1776, Black Americans WERE STILL SLAVES. St.Patricks Day, Cinco De Mayo, Labor Day… Labor Day? word? but nobody even knows what JUNETEENTH is. whitewashed. this is stressful. everybody wanna be a nigga, until it’s time to be a nigga.

amerikkka has done all it can to erase my culture. Slavery. Jim Crow. Crack. AIDS. Prison. prison is slavery. point blank. and the War or Drugs during the Reagan years was a deliberate plan to enslave Black people by putting us in prison. at the time the War on Drugs was announced, illegal drug use was actually on the decline. ain’t that something. crack/cocaine was literally dropped off in Black neighborhoods during the 1980s. CIA caught red handed, blood. the cash that was used to buy crack was in turn used to fund an army, the Contras. Noriega? Oliver North? y’all don’t hear me though. Iran/Contra. look it up. Rick Ross. not the rapper but where the rapper got his name from. look it up. i’m supposed to love amerikkka. these ain’t conspiracies, y’all. the real conspiracy is what the news is feeding you. not Black people keeping it real. the media got a tea cup and a spoon. media taps it and everyone is in the sunken place.

how many times have you’ve been pulled over? me, fifteen. that ain’t no right of passage. that ain’t dope. my heart ain’t supposed to be racing when i see lights behind me. k’m so trained to look for cop cars from miles away, i will get off the freeway if i see a black and white painted car. you know how many detours i’ve made this past year ALONE after seeing a cop in my rearview mirror? nope. not today. i will smoothly get off that freeway. i will gladly make that right turn into CVS or *Safeway. you catch that, Safeway. get it? i shouldn’t have to make a whole new path to getting HOME from WORK when i see a cop. but oh… if you “do the right thing, nothing will happen” huh? i know better than that. it’s a genocide out here. on amerikkkan soil. and i gotta target on my back, forehead, neck. Anything above the waist. these cops are PAID assassins, hitmen for amerikkka. and y’all think if we “follow rules” masta gave us, it’s all good. last year, July 5th, Alton Sterling 37 years old, father of 5, was shot and killed on. this was a day after, you know, the great 4th of July. the next day, Philando Castile was shot and killed by a police officer with his daughter in the backseat. *both officers are free today because that’s what happens in amerikkka. i am blessed to not have anyone in my IMMEDIATE family die, but these dudes ARE my family. these women ARE my family. Kenneka Jenkins. Sandra Bland. Charleena Lyles. Tanisha Anderson, these are my cousins. and i ain’t too proud to tell you that i cry sometimes about it. Broke. Down.

the scene in Boyz N The Hood that depicted me accurately. Tre was just pulled over by a Black cop for nothing. pulled him out the car and drew his gun. Tre, with a gun at his chin, shed a tear. the cop let him go and said the famous line “have a good night now.” he felt hopeless. i felt hopeless. i couldn’t fight them. couldn’t fight society. couldn’t swing at anyone….. so i swung at the air.
Kanye had a line “i asked her when she wanna be when she twenty five. she turned around, looked at me, and she said ‘Alive'”.

two days ago, someone texted me “Hey.” i didn’t respond. they texted again “Nigger”…. called me all types of names. my pops been told me, at twelve years old, that that’s gonna happen. get used to it now and if it kills your mood and spirit, let it now so by twenty-four, it won’t. two days ago, it didn’t.

be ready and don’t let it break you. i have been desensitized to words. desensitized to these behaviors of people. four years ago, i was at Fruitvale BART (Rest in Peace, King) with my lady at the time. her pops was a cop. she was not exposed to racism in person. she sits down next to this Asian woman. about two minutes go by, i sit down. now it’s about six feet separating us. Asian woman grabbed her purse then bounced. nothing to me, i sat down and relaxed. more room. my lady was stunned. pissed. went off on the woman, rightfully. if that was my first or second or third or fourth or fifth or sixth or seventh time that happened, i would have reacted in a similar fashion. i don’t have time for that anymore. last year, after dropping off a friend next to my old high school, a cop rolled up to my car and said neighbors don’t recognize your car.


after talking to him briefly, i bounced. i told my mom earlier that day i will make it back home. my mom lit. ter. uh. lee. said “i love you son. please get back home. whatever you do, get back to me.” i just went to Berkeley to get some fruit from Berkeley Bowl and she told me that. i’m digressing. as i’m driving away, a cop heading in the direction i just left, rolled down his window and said “and you better not come back.” Yes. that really happened.

amerikkka, you did this to me. the one thing that was guaranteed before i was born is being a Black person. before my gender, height, name, faith, good looks, country i was born in, all of that. i was going to be Black. what if i rocked a Chinese jacket like Kung Fu Kenny be doing. i expect y’all to be at my neck. i love culture. too much. i respect cultures. too much. one thing i don’t believe in is “mixing of cultures” or “sharing of cultures.” teach me about your culture and i’ll respect it. please. and i’ll show you what’s up about mine. don’t act Black. you don’t have a “Black Pass” or “Black card” because you got stereotypical Black characteristics.

what if i rocked a sombero and boots and a belt like it’s all good, talking about Hola. that’s Y’ALL. i will let you have YOUR culture. don’t take mine. i’m not your Nigga. and if you’re not Black, you’re not my Nigga.

this part is really important so please listen: i ain’t got time for being politically correct. i ain’t got time for preserving feelings. none. it’s not my job to make you feel better when i’m at war. don’t have time to fret about being called a nigger. i do not have time for fighting for YOUR people. your people have so much privilege that mine does not. nothing against anyone personally, but collectively, Black people are too far from the starting line for us to take on your battle and ours. i fight for our rights to better Black people. seriously. my job is full time x ten. people be like “well Latinxs are under represented too…” but it’s Latinxs telling me this. STAND UP. SPEAK UP. EDUCATE but don’t ride our wave. don’t hijack me. don’t hold my coattail. i do not have time for arguing about why all lives matter. i gotta seven year old nephew who will grow up to be, drum roll please………… a Black Man in amerikkka. i have two little siblings who goes to a school named after a slave master. you not going to war for them. i am. your family will actually probably fear my nephew and walk to the other side of the sidewalk when you see him. be honest, your aunt will probably follow him when he’s shopping. or tell him “You’re a millionaire, you don’t know what oppression is. Shut up and dribble.”

your family has history. your family knows their roots. your family got their name from family who got their name from family. i am Black. ancestors from Afrika. you think Washington is an Afrikan name? no. our names and languages and pride and culture was beat out of us. i don’t have time for any of that. imagine how Black women feel.. they’re Black AND women. they have all of these experiences plus the disadvantages of being women. double Whammy. i pray for my sisters every day. so if you ever catch me being dry or not enthusiastic, you gonna have to excuse yourself. not me. i’m surviving. God got me. and i got my family. what’s up Frobe. Hiep. Jiz. Lil Jah. Julie. Alonzo. Ricardo. but y’all know me. we’ve had talks. but i ain’t compromising at all when it comes to my Blackness. i’m not holding my tongue for nobody buddy. i’m not forfeiting anything.

amerikkka, this ain’t a “we” thing anymore. “We” didn’t go to war, y’all did. “We” didn’t invade Iraq, y’all did. “We” didn’t do this. one day, prayfully one day soon, i will be living in another country. “i’m supposed to be #1 on everybody’s list. we’ll see what happens when i no longer exist…..”

*Please listen to the Stevie Wonder joint Living for The City.

3 thoughts on “Momma look at your Son, what happened to my smile?

  1. I guess, my critique of this post would be what if they never treat people like yourself equally?

    I know you’ve got a good understanding of the mistreatment of Black Americans but I think you should start training your mind on the scenario of what if equality is not in the books and won’t come from white people also.

    Me coming from an Amos Wilson perspective (you should study Amos Wilson), there is a reason for the mistreatment of Black Americans and there is a reason why they are able to get away with it.

    You should study Dr. Amos Wilson, Dr. Maulana Karenga, Dr Bobby Wright.

    Liked by 1 person

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