First Lady.

Whatever she lacks, I’m right over her shoulder. When I’m off track, mami is keeping me focused.

There’s nothing that brings more joy and heartache at the same time than our significant other.

If you got a lady and you know she’s dope, for you, mature, ethical, has standuuuhhs, intelligent and God fearing, do what you gotta do to keep her, bruh. Of course there’s more factors to a relationship, but you can work on that. The things you can’t work on are her standards. She was who she was before she met you. She has that foundation set, what are you waiting for.

Seriously. A lot of times, we cat off and months or years later, we tell ourselves and the homie’s “man that’s the one who got away.” We do this all the time. How many more times we gonna let “the one” get away? Then we end up settling for a very attractive chick with a nice body who’s evil and selfish and don’t know the difference between “their” and “there” and been in four car accidents, all her fault. Don’t settle for a woman who has been in four car accidents, all her fault. Get rid of cable.

We’re go getters when it comes to money. When it comes to cars. When it comes to sports. When it comes to investments. But when it comes to women we want to be with, we drop the ball. We shoot our shot like Nick Young. A lot of shots go up but percentage isn’t too high. But when it comes to dunking the rock with the one person you KNOW you want to be with, we stall. We hold the ball and wonder why we got a turn over. Shot clock violation, player. She left because you weren’t doing anything. Stop playing around. Stop pump faking. You don’t have to verbally say stick around to tell her to stick around. Your actions will tell her you want her to stick around. So don’t be startled when she bring it up and you say “well I never told you to stick around. You could have left.” You did too tell her to stick around and wait for you to get it together. You might not have said it verbally, but you told her. We’re grown. Do not act stupid. We’re not in high school, bruh. Real emotions are involved. How many dudes right now got girls in their inbox and if they all just dropped you this week, you’d be salty? You know you’re stalling, but if they call you out on it, you get defensive. Too many times we have her right there waiting to be asked out or waiting to be taken out, and we know that. And we take advantage of her willingness to wait a couple days or months or years. We take advantage of her not seeing other men. I don’t know what age you are, but if you’re reading this, you’re old enough to know what I’m talking about.

Now, if you do not want an exclusive relationship right now, let it be known verbally AND ACT LIKE IT. If she stays around, that’s on her. That’s all I am going to say.

Okay. So history is history, bruh. You would not appreciate it if I or your parents or your job brought up your history when you’ve showed you’ve improved or trying to get better. Treat her the same. Most times, history is irrelevant. Now it is important in ways because some history is an indicator of the future. But, it is old. It is history. Do not date her if you’re going to continue to resurrect her past. Period. If that’s going to haunt you for future days, don’t do it to yourself and don’t string her along. She’s not dating the past you, she’s dating you now. Move on. You have a past too. And Lord knoooooows……….. Oh so you can have 10 bodies, but she can’t? (I’m being generous. You probably have more). When you have sex with someone, who you think you’re having sex with? What happened to the other person? That literally does not make any sense. We complain about how many people she had sex with, but you’re what? Maybe 3-1? You about to win the Finals at home and you’re telling the homies how many dudes she slept with SAFELY, protecting herself, while you been wilding all the way out. Ain’t ever put a condom on but it’s on her to protect both of y’all. Momma would be disgusted. We focus on the wrong things. If someone is having safe sex before you and has no “baggage” with her, seriously, why you buggin?

Anyway.

First, establish what is necessary to survive and have a flourishing healthy relationship. Establish the water that’s needed for this plant to grow. Ask what she needs and wants of you, and tell her what you need and want of her. If that can’t be met, you know from the gate what’s the deal.

After that…

Bag your lady. That lady you know you’re feeling. That lady who’s been down for you. That lady who shows love to your family or folks who you care for. That lady who can be a homie, lover, friend. That lady who tells you to do the right thing. The lady who has a plan. That lady who asks where she can improve. That lady who has direction. That lady who keeps it one hundred with you. The lady who listens to God and follows His word. That’s the First Lady.

Enforce the First Lady’s dreams. Not just support. Enforce her goals and aspirations. Ask her what matters most and do what you have to do to help her get there. Own up to your mistakes. Say sorry. Yes. Say sorry. Not a “well if I did that then I’m sorry…. but…” apology. Just apologize. Never say sorry for something you didn’t do. Ever. Do. Not. Ever. Say. Sorry. For. One. Thing. You. Did. Not. Do. But when you do mess up, when you do wild out, when you lack confidence in yourself which leads to distrust in her for your own insecurities, and she shows she’s trustworthy, apologize. When you go with the homies and never hit her back KNOWING that she requires that text, apologize. Now some women don’t need that. Some are okay without it. But you know your girl. You know what makes her bug out. Don’t act brand new like “well I just didn’t think it would be a big deal. You know where I was.” Yeah she knew, but you also know what she needs to be happy. If you know texting her once will satisfy her, do it. Don’t say unnecessary stuff. If it ain’t going to progress a conversation or situation, but potentially hurt it, dead it. Be strong in the areas she’s not strong in. Be her support as she will be yours. Work off one another. If you don’t like kids, let her know. Surprise her a couple times a month. Don’t wait for set days to bring her flowers, her favorite food, books, wine, watches. Whatever she likes. Get her a heated blanket. Don’t wait for February 14th. Treat her like she needs and wants to be treated. That’s your First Lady. Better act like it. Introduce her to new things. Introduce her to the homies. The family. Include her. Cook for her. Pick up her plate. (I’m not going to mention opening the door for her. That’s just a given, right?) Wear her favorite color sometimes. That color you know she likes seeing you in. Don’t wait for her to buy you something in that color. Be patient with her. Shut up and listen. Let her talk your ear off, sometimes. Not every day though because ain’t nobody got time for that!

Naw I’m playing. Kinda.
Have shows together. Remember important dates. Be honest with her. Do not lie. Be straight up. Tell her what you like. Tell her what you don’t like. Tell her what you hate. Don’t wait for that. If you don’t know much about cars, let her know when it comes up. Don’t front. If you’re not the one to put tables and chairs and all that handy stuff, be honest. I’m fasho not. I know my restrictions. Know yours. Like how there’s an app for everything? There’s a job for everything. There’s someone who gets paid to do stuff. Pay someone. You go to certain restaurants because you don’t know how to stir fry or make bomb Black people food. Don’t be ashamed to go to a mechanic or Ikea or something to put stuff together. You’re not a robot. Don’t pretend. Do stuff in public. Smack her butt at the movies. I don’t know. That’s your First Lady. Be proud. Tell her she’s dope. Show her she’s dope. Write her letters here and there. Satisfy her. Spoil her, sometimes. Don’t solve her problems. Help her come up with the solutions, if she asks. Listen to your music with her. Bump that Jay Z and NWA in the car with her. Don’t front. School her on the multiple reasons Jay Z is the best rapper. She’ll be enlightened. Fold clothes with her. Ask to come around her friends. Have game night with your homies and her friends. Massage her. Try a little tenderness. Oh na na. Sing. See, not everyone can sing. I understand that. I’ve been blessed with an angelic voice so I’m nothing like those people but… mix between Young Mike Jack and Jesus is what I’ve been told. Call her. Stop texting so much. Man oh man. When’s the last time you actually heard her voice? Call her. Back in my day, texting wasn’t free. We had to talk on the phone after 8. And before that, we had to meet up because we didn’t have phones. Back in my day, I had to walk twenty miles to see her, just to say “good morning” and walk twenty-five miles back. Youngsta’s wouldn’t know about that. Send her pictures. Letting her know the deal. Cash App her some money so she can get her nails done once in a while. It’s the little things.

Love your First Lady.

Cherish your First Lady.

Embrace your First Lady.

Respect your First Lady.

Don’t abandon your First Lady.

Support your First Lady.

Enlighten your First Lady.

Pray for your First Lady.

Pray with your First Lady.

Hype up your First Lady.

Be a man for your First Lady.

Acknowledge your First Lady.

When you marry, understand, your mom is not your First Lady. Your sister is not your First Lady. Mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins. It will be hard to cope with that but you must. Also, fellas. It will be hard to establish that with moms… But understand and never confuse who the First Lady is.

*NEVER GO ERIC BENET!!!!*

*Listen to Foldin Clothes, She’s Mine Part 1 by J.Cole. 03 Bonnie and Clyde by Jay-Z and Beyonce. Adore and Nothing Compares 2 U by Prince. You’re All I Need by Method Man and Mary J.

the great artwork in the above image is from none other @tycheriee. check out her work. she’s super quick. dope. creative.