song cry.

i can’t see them coming down my eyes, so i gotta make this song cry.

there is nothing one can tell you when you’re going through a heartbreak. there is no proper warning for a break up. when you and First Lady collectively or independently decide it’s not going to work is a tough day. and it’s always harder for the one who wants it to work. it’s always harder to come to grips for the one who’s been fighting for the unit to be together. when you and First Lady walk away from one another, it’s a devastating blow.

but when it’s time, it’s time. there’s things that First Lady needs in order to be happy with you. there’s things you need in order to be happy. stop and ask. the worst feeling is doing 101 things thinking you’re satisfying her and she tells you she’s not happy. believe me. fronting for the homies in public just to save face. deep down, your relationship is ruined. when it’s time to let go, let go. not everyone is compatible. even if y’all are together, situations and feelings and wants/needs change. when she tells you how she feels, take it seriously. listen to her.

men. we are strong. but there’s not enough strength in the world that can change who she is. let her be. if she tells you who she is, believe her. she tells you she’s hard to deal with, believe her. she tells you she doesn’t want to be committed, believe her. if that’s not something you are okay with, leave before too many emotions are involved and you invest much of your life and time.

learn from me, bruh. relationships aren’t to be pushed. if you feel you’re doing too much to make it work, there might be damage that can’t be fixed. it’s a tough reality but it needs to happen. when your flowers start to wilt over and lean and they look dry and lethargic, it’s too late to put water on them. water won’t help. gifts. flowers. trips. watches. cute posts on IG and snapchat. not much you can do or say to repair a broken relationship. if it’s meant to be, it might be in the future. but if the relationship is dead right now? no. sorry. let it go.

i use the teacher-student metaphor. when you’re in school, you have a teacher for a certain amount of months. you’re assigned to that particular person. you have a commitment to that person. in the beginning of the class, you have a rubric on what to expect and what’s needed to pass that class. you know from the gate what’s needed. you know what books and tools are needed. if you cannot handle the work load, drop the class. it might not be *timing for you to take that class. you might have to take other classes to prepare you for that class.

however, after that, there is no looking back. now after a failed attempt, you might be able to spend more time to make that right and retake the class (we call that a 2nd chance), but after that, it’s over. your time with that teacher is no longer. with relationships, you have time with that person. months, years, decades, whatever. you have time. if everything is gravy, it’s good. but if you fail the class, there’s no telling if you’re gonna get a redo or 2nd chance. if you don’t, take it and move on.

you’re gonna be sad. that’s normal when you break up with someone you tried to give your all to. you’re gonna be frustrated with yourself and her. you’re gonna try to pinpoint when the breakage happened and if you were able to repair it. your mind is going to be running rampant ALL THE TIME. everything is going to remind you of her but you’re going to keep it all in your head. when you’re at work, with the homies, at home watching tv. you’re going to want to shoot her a text midday. you’re gonna want to invite her to come through to the kick it with you. you’re gonna want to have sex with her. you’re gonna be like Neyo and so sick of love songs. you might want to chill with the homies more. you might feel you need to have sex with a couple other women. or need to get in another relationship quick. you’re going to ignore her polite sincere “just checking on you” texts. you’re gonna give her 1 word replies when you do text back. everything you do is going to be unlike you when you break up. but let me tell you this… if you need to cry, cry. or let this song cry. let this post cry. let those pictures cry. let those memories cry. let those beats cry. let those books cry. let that court or field cry.

loving someone means you do what’s best for that someone. period. if you love someone and it’s no longer working, 1) recognize it, 2) stop lying to yourself, 3) DO WHAT’S BEST for that person you say you love. and sometimes, leaving is the best thing.

*listen to Song Cry and 4:44 by Jay Z. Wale The Breakup Song. Shai If I Ever Fall in Love.

read https://definejulius.com/2018/04/25/first-lady/ afterwards.