Whatta Man

the definition of women and the definition of men are not counterparts.

generally speaking, women is used for any female of age. “There are four women running for the presidency in 2020.” “Women rights have come to the forefront in the 21st century.” “I love women.”

casually speaking, when using the term women, people do not speak about responsibilities, society norms or standards.however, calling someone a man does. you cannot throw around the word man loosely. as a man, a good one at that, i take the word man seriously. an old boy is not a man. a 25 year old male does not always mean he is a man. becoming a man comes with responsibilities. a man comes with standards. a man comes with roles. it just does. i am okay with that fact. there are very old boys and people tend to generally group them with men just because of age. i am here to tell you that ain’t it chief.

now before i continue, i will bring up examples of a man, gender roles, identity and needs. we will bring up clear examples of women bashing man traits and painting it as “toxic masculinity” later. ehhhh. that’s another post. stick around. this is to differentiate men and boys and then hype up and show love to men.

you already, within the first 40 seconds, know if you want to tune me out. do not do it. read this. we do not have to agree. i am not here to say something that is universally agreed upon. but this is important and free. i am not perfect. what you are about to read is not flawless. it is flawed. i take full responsibility for its shortcomings.

okay.

i was taught by a man how to be man. i was taught by a helluva man how to be a man. his name is JuliusJerome. you can learn about him thru that link. so i have very high standards of what it takes to be a man. there are very few men i know. i know a lot of people. a lot of males. but there are very few men i know.a woman told me once “men and women are the same. men are told to be different. men are trained to think differently. emotionally, physically, mentally. but men and women are innately identical.” she was saying there is NO inherent difference between men and women. she is dead wrong. i told her there are actually teenage men. i know this because again, being a man, i can identify what a man is. she, again, disagreed. she told me there can never be a teenage man. you believe that? a woman, a grown woman, TELLING a man who can and cannot be a man. amazing. that doesn’t concern any of you? a man telling a woman who and how to be a woman is oppressive and completely out of his jurisdiction. but a woman can tell a man how to be a man and what cannot qualify as a man. ain’t that something. *me and this woman do not speak anymore. that’s important to note.

it is not in her subconscious to know. not her mental and emotional strengths. and that’s fine. that’s normal. a woman doesn’t know how to talk about her son’s erection. she just doesn’t. a woman can’t. a mother showing emotions doesn’t resonate with her son as it does his father opening up. he might not ever know it’s okay to cry or ask for help if he never witnessed a man do it. growing up terrifies a boy. being a man is TOUGH. a woman cannot accurately talk about male peer pressure. a woman cannot, from firsthand experience, talk about the emotions of being called a punk or sissy by other boys in grade school. a woman cannot relate to throwing a football amongst other boys and having “the popular” one or coach say “YOU THROW THE BALL LIKE A GIRL” and everyone stares.

we need more men in lives of everyone. in the lives of sons. daughters. women. men. we often see big momma and grandmas and aunties and cousins. we see older women all around helping and teaching younger women. stay away from that. prepare for this. try those. older women are there for each stage in young women lives. i was chilling at pops house couple weeks ago and their granddaughter was over. i was chilling in the livingroom watching TV and headed to the bedroom. in the bedroom was 5 women surrounding Seven (their grandchild). mother, grandmother, and three aunties were all in the room laughing and loving on the blessing in front of them.

men generally aren’t there. normally we don’t see 8 or 9 OLDER men at the table or in the back room. couple 40 year olds, that’s good. where are the 60 70 year old men grooming young men? the oldest man i know know is 66. and that ain’t old.

let’s start.

it is hard being a man. womanhood is notoriously hard. i am not here to dispute that. this is a post on men. as a man, it is difficult being a man. it is draining. that’s why so many run away from being a man. so many give up being a man. so many bounce on fatherhood. many can’t handle it. i’m not saying it’s justified at all, i’m just saying. to the people who have never spent a day as a man, it is hard. again, i am not going to compare the difficulties of womanhood and manhood. YOU can write about that. reason i’m not is because i ain’t a woman. it’ll be foolish of me to talk about how difficult it is to be a woman. it’ll behoove all women to just be quiet when trying to tell men what it takes to be a man. i won’t say “no disrespect” because that was not disrespectful. he might not express it; or you might not hear him when he does, but it is tough ladies.

let’s talk about boys right now. the lack of MEN in boys lives’ is the primary issue. this goes back to earlier. just because a boy is of age does not equate to a man. that grown boy taught a boy how to be a boy. a man teaches a boy how to be a man. not a boy. not a woman. i cannot teach, thoroughly and competently, a girl how to be a woman. and i admit that. i hope every male does. it seems like something a male has to admit but a woman cannot. look. i cannot, as much as i read, as many ladies are in my family, raise a girl to be a woman. i can give her my interpretation. i can assume. i can fake it til i make it. i can really really try to help her off of how my momma and sisters treated and talked to me. i can brag about how i was treated by the amazing women in my life and then tell my daughter that this is how she should be… but i do not have the capacity to grow a girl to a woman. i just don’t. if i had a daughter, i can THINK i’m prepared to talk to her about her period. but i’m not. i can THINK i am equipped to have a conversation about hormones and how she feels emotionally and physically about her first crush. but i’m not. and i’m okay with that. you know why? because i am going to have my partner talk to her about that. that will be my wife’s role. her duty. i will not be absent during. but i will not be driving the car. my wife will.

society… hell. NOBODY anywhere should WANT a woman to teach a boy how to be a man from birth to adulthood without a man. there is no negative sexist undertones with that. we should all want a woman to be in the life of a boy for contrast. for opposing views. a man is a guide to manhood for a boy. there is no other option. no other way around it. a man cannot be a guide to womanhood for women. we have roles. there. i said it. a man has a role as does a woman.

having a man in the family to raise a boy is the best thing for that boy. experiences and stories and relatability. it is a liability to not. it is irresponsible to not have a man help raise a boy. uncle. cousin. granddaddy. it is called watch this.. a balance. a position. might be a new concept to all you new “F the way my parents grew up. this is my world now” folks.

society has made the man feel obsolete. i don’t need men for anything. men ain’t sh×t. i only need a man for sperm, everything else i can do. and probably better. this rhetoric is abusive. it is damaging. a woman with a baby should not ever think it’s a good idea to ice out men. maybe THAT particular guy because HE wouldn’t be right, but men are needed. we will never say things close to this but women will go around announcing to the world how men are now useless. this doesn’t upset any of you huh? of course not. and all of yall are going to continue to be miserable and act like you ain’t just to continue the front and narrative. you cannot fix a problem with the same mentality that got you in it. that’s in life. (politics, school, parenting, etc)

we have taken the identity away from men. men now don’t know where they belong. a lot of men don’t understand their purpose. don’t know their position. they just exist. all these single moms walking around talking about they don’t need a man…. uhhhhh yeah you do. single parenting is not cute. your kid needs a man. stop hurting your child’s progression and well being just because someone hurt you.

boys NEED men.

a lot of women have never spoken to a man… ain’t that something. 15 20 28 38 years old and a woman has never spoken to a man. talking to boys their whole life. it’s unfortunate. but when that happens, she doesn’t know HOW to speak to a man. she knows how to cuss at a man. she knows how to play a man. she knows how to pleasure a man by her own skills and other conversations with women. she knows how to get materials from a man but doesn’t know how to get anything from a man. she doesn’t know how to communicate and understand a man. lemme tell you, talking to a woman who never really dealt with a man is obvious from the first couple conversations and observations. it’s hard. i’ve been in that predicament.

but men, be patient. be patient. a lot of times you must do the teaching as you were taught. if someone doesn’t know how to communicate with a man, teach them. if someone doesn’t know how to respect or handle a man, lace them with game.

when i was a child, i talked like a child. i thought like a child, reasoned like a child. when i became a man, i put my childish ways behind me.1st Corinthians 13:11

let’s shift to men. a man has a job. i do not mean (in this instance) a 9-5. a man has a purpose. if one denies a man of that purpose, it’s a trickle effect on everyone. you. him. your kids. other women. when talking about relationships between men and women, asking what is needed, truth and communication and alldat stuff normally comes up. but that’s *needed in EVERY relationship. that is needed in a working relationship. teacher-student relationship. employee-manager relationship. trust and communication is base.a man is needed in every interpersonal relationship.

i’ll explain.

what is needed in an adult intimate relationship between a male and female is a man. not an old boy. the communication can be worked on. the listening can be worked on. being more affectionate can be worked on. sex can be worked on. fashion can be worked on. and some things matter more or less. it might be something YOU *WANT* more than others, i understand. so that varies per person. however, a man does not. a man is a staple in a healthy relationship between a male and female. a man is a staple in a healthy family. you need a man to help raise your children. that person might not be the best when it comes to communication, but him being a man to your kid stumps it. and the sad thing about the obvious agenda to emasculate the man is there are women who have kids and potentially a boy who hates men. these unhealthy and detrimental destructive mentalities on the male gender imposed by some women is only going to end poorly. $5 to a woman aged 15-33 who have never said “men are trash.” we cannot allow women who desire to have kids one day continue to brainwash and feed kids that men are disposable. HOW DO YOU THINK A WOMAN IS GOING TO TEACH AND RAISE HER SON IF SHE TRULY THINKS MEN AINT SH*T?! HORRIBLY. how is he gonna see himself?

ay yi yi.

moving forward, let’s talk about a couple things a man needs. this is a really important section.

a man needs sex. yes, sex. it is vital to a man’s health. this is not a bad thing.

a need is a requirement for functioning. not a want. make the distinction. a car doesn’t want gas. living things don’t want water. they need water. a man is a producer by nature. God made us this way. not up for debate. sex has a purpose. men’s sexuality has a direct and strong impact on our mental, physical and emotional life. (do NOT partner with anyone not willing to share their sexual history. this doesn’t mean you are required to talk about everything. it means if your partner feels the need to ask, answer. but be ready for the answers. please men, take your health seriously. also, it is sexually irresponsible to have multiple sex partners. be a victim of this wave on your own understanding and discretion. 2018 rates in the states reached an all time high. do not be irresponsible.)

men need spirituality. you should need to practice and focus on peace. set time aside daily or multiple times throughout the week and just breathe. focus on breathing. meditate for 10 15 minutes. pray. reflect on the good day you had and pray on how you can better it tomorrow. men, we need to do this. watch or read or listen to material that enforces and promotes good character. listen to music or interviews. read books that promote a chill balanced lifestyle. if you WANT to be complete and productive and better than others (that ego of ours), then you must go out and get the information and energy and surround yourself with people and music and books that encourages it. be bold enough to admit you need help. be brave enough to talk to yourself. get familiar with yourself. establish time and space designated for meditation and prayer. on days that were rough and difficult to endure, place yourself somewhere and vent and breathe. relax. days that were joyous, reflect and smile. close your eyes a couple times a day and just…. be alone.

men need to be juiced. we are better off being complimented. yes we are. do not hurt our ego. that reverse psychology stuff doesn’t work with men. do not placate me. we perform better when you tell us what we do well. you can tell us we do something okay or bad and we might correct it. might. but odds are we won’t. odds are we probably will stop it altogether because we don’t do things we think we’re bad in. we don’t invest in things we are natively bad at. but you tell us we do something well, we’re gonna make sure we perfect it so next time you tell us we do great. tell us we’re strong because we brought in 3 bags in one trip, guarentee next time…. 4 bags. tell us we’re good at cooking and we spend an hour looking up your favorite dish and plan on making it amazingly when we see you. we perform better when you juice us. men don’t get into things we’re bad at. we are safe beings. if i don’t know how to cook shrimp, i won’t ever cook it. i know who i am. if you never compliment me when i wear orange, i can pick that up and might not rock it again around you. just make a subtle hint at you liking me in brown or khaki and i go buy brown or khaki. you like me in black boxers, guess what? if you brag on us, we are going to excel. we love praise. we get bigger. we become better. we become larger when we are praised. doesn’t have to be publicly. but YOU telling us is enough.

praise me for staying (and i ain’t going anywhere) as quickly as you’ll criticize me for leaving. praise me for cooking and fixing things (and i turn into Macgyver) as quickly as you’ll butcher me for being a scrub. praise me for making a way out of no way and always making sure you’re good (and i bust out a blueprint to an underground world) as quickly as you’ll drag me for not supporting and loving you. praise me for being a man of God and forgiveness as quickly as you’ll denounce me for being disrespectful and disgusting. praise me for being logical and thoughtful as quickly as you’ll laugh and frown upon me for not having my emotions in check.

something else a man needs is respect. a man doesn’t need love to thrive. a man needs respect. you tell a man you love him more than anyone ever, he prob won’t even smile. probably will be like “word?” love isn’t too hard to do. honestly. you can be with a person for 3 4 years or 3 4 months and love them. you can love your nail stylist. respect is earned. respect is responsible. respect is transferrable. you might not love everything i do. and i can live with that. i don’t need you to love every single thing i do. but you gotta respect my moves. respect makes us feel valued. respect will have a woman follow you. respect will have a woman trust you without a doubt. respect will have a woman stay in her place and let you stay in your place. love is cute. love doesn’t keep anything safe. respect does. (men. do not abuse respect. it is powerful. also, do not ever… ever ever ever make your girl look stupid to other women. a woman should never know something about you that your girl doesn’t know).

men also need attention. i know it is portrayed that men don’t because we give off a “i’m tough” impression. and yes, we might be tough. but we still need attention. this doesn’t excuse it but a lot of reasons why men cheat and seek other women is not out of boredom or sex for the hell of it but out of lack of attention. their woman is not providing the attention that’s needed. we need your eyes and ears. when we talk and you glance at your phone, just chill for 4 minutes. some women aren’t taught to give attention to men. men need your recognition. society tells us valentine’s day is for women. mothers day is one of the most lucrative days of the year. but men don’t get observation. when you see boys busting willies on dirt bikes in the middle of the street and you say BOY GET OUT THE WAY… they need that attention. those dudes who try to stunt with cash or jewelry or on the basketball court and tryna cross up everyone isn’t because they’re showing off their skills. they’re asking you to look at them. listen. men need attention. ya heeaard?

i’m tryna help. share this with your girls. with your family. with your GIRLFRIEND. momma. son. nephew. tweet this. RT.

men who are reading this, look at your fingers. look at your face. look at your body. how do you feel about your self? take care of your life. hygiene matters. wash your hands. get a haircut. watch your weight. dress nicely here and there. a better you makes for a better them. you can’t save the world if you don’t save yourself first. eat well. brush your teeth twice a day. get a nice smelling cologne. be THAT dude. you have it in you.

notice how nothing was material things. notice how nothing was typical “masculine” things. making money doesn’t make you a man. knocking out someone doesn’t define your manhood. money + physical aggression and manhood are not mutually exclusive. you can be man and not be aggressively charged. those two can exist at the same time. men, don’t fall for it. you will be questioned in this patriarchal society about your economic conditions the same way you will be questioned if you didn’t wild out in a physical confrontation. you, sir, need to be confident and know yourself and worth.

quick tidbit on mental health and strength. encourage men to care about their mental needs. it matters. your mental health is serious as it influences your physical and spiritual health. we do not have to keep it built up. it is not effeminate. it is human like. you ever got whooped and was told “don’t cry”? that is what a lot of us go through. we are experiencing physical and emotional and spiritual challenges and beatdowns but are trained to “suck it up” and not express the way we feel. the feeling is real. we hurt. crying is an expression. women and men, let men be human. let men be vulnerable. i am blessed to have parents who let me be human.

i’m gonna talk to Black men for a second. a lot of our issues stems from self esteem and self worth. once we fix that, our lives will be drastically better. we are more than conquers. self esteem and self worth. Black men who are stern and adamant about decisions: continue. do not let a person or society convince you you’re difficult. Black men who don’t like to smile, don’t be convinced you’re a thug or angry. you are yourself. Black men, don’t be convinced that your masculinity is toxic. your masculinity makes you a man. your masculinity is needed. your masculinity is a positive attribute.

Black men, you are Kings. yes You are. take care of yourself. you must take care of yourself in order to better others. how can you provide and protect if you yourself isn’t strong? mentally or financially ready? take care and time to focus on your mental health. it is equally important as your physical health. in fact, it has a direct connection with your physical health. racism, poverty, a dysfunction family order, stress, childhood trauma are all factors that can contribute to and take a toll on our mental well being. understand that Black males do sometimes need help with admitting and getting help. we sometimes self medicate to hide. it can be in forms of the weeeeed, alcohol, wild sexual activity and behavior, violence or whatever. a lot of Black males are hurting. a lot of Black males are suffering from PTSD. a lot of Black males need counseling. seek help. be patient. love yourself. don’t lower your voice. don’t stunt your growth. don’t shy away from “authorities.” your body and figure is natural and that alone makes people fear you. imagine that. the same natural body that makes women drool is the same natural body that makes people shake and fear when they see you. don’t hide that. we don’t talk about the “intersectionality” of Blackness and manhood enough. i understand as a man, i do have a *certain privilege. but i am still a Black man. and i think about my Black maleness daily. walking down the street and having a little white or Asian woman in front of me and all of a sudden, it seems i’m following her. she jets and walks across the street. getting on an airplane and people choosing to sit in the middle of others for 5 hours instead of sitting 2 seats away me. walking in stores AS A MAN you think i have a privilege and will get more attention and prompt service. yeah, i get attention. not the one anyone desires. attention for being a Black man. my lil bro is 10. he loves the hot tub. he once said if i go to that jacuzzi over there, those 5 white people will get out. he’s not a teenager. but him being a Black male is enough.

however, don’t run from that. embrace yourself. Black men, don’t compromise your morals. don’t take a pay cut. negotiate more. don’t take Ls in the workplace. demand Ws. make a home wherever you are. don’t talk differently. don’t change your hair or ANYTHING.

if you want something, go get it. it won’t just happen. if i want to be a better cook, i have to do things differently. i can’t just say “time will make me a better cook.” i must read and watch material on cooking. i must talk to cooks. over the past couple months, i decided i wanted to be a better man. focus on manhood. me being alive longer doesn’t inevitably make me a better man. it makes me the same man i have been longer. which most people would honestly be more than okay with. but not me. so what did i do? reached out to men and asked them “what makes a man a man?” “what do men need?” i started reading books on this specific subject. i watched countless videos from pastors and teachers and orators and actors and influencers around the way speaking on manhood. i promise to make my own decisions. Black men, be active when wanting something. you should be aggressively pursuing a better life. a better way. a more effective method of making money.work on your credit… today. plan for economic empowerment… today. today. read. ask. watch. have a vision. find your passion. be proactive. save money. create a budget… today. this is one of the most important sections of this whole piece. economic freedom is what we as Black men NEED to focus on. prepare. own.

information and content we take in determines how we view ourselves. all you’re doing is watching depressing and violent content and having oppressive thoughts and conversations about women, what character traits are you more likely to have? the stuff we consume determines how we see ourselves. it determines how we value ourselves and others who look like us.we kill and harm and hurt other Black men, we kill and harm and hurt all of us. understand that. if we disrespect and beat and fight Black women, we disrespect and beat and fight all of us. adversely, if we love and protect and respect and uplift Black men and women, we get closer to loving and protecting and respecting and uplifting us all. i want us to be happy. i don’t mean to feel happiness. feelings fade. feelings change in seconds. we cannot seek happiness in materials and people. happiness from within cannot be taken. once she leaves, your happiness goes. once that car breaks down or those shoes get dirty or that watch stops shining, your happiness goes. that is a huge problem. i want undying happiness for you. YOU ARE YOUR BROTHER’S KEEPER. YOU ARE YOUR BROTHER’S KEEPER.

finally, build a coalition. we are taught we can do bad and move mountains with just us. we are strong. that’s a fact. we ain’t strong enough to move mountains without a team. also, if you are the smartest person in your group, guess who’s in the wrong group? push yourself. chill with people who can challenge you. take time, a lot of time to figure out who’s an ally because it ain’t many. but we must do this collectively. Black men, we are nothing and will go nowhere without Black women. a movement is not a movement without Black women. a life as a Black man ain’t a good life without a Black woman in it. and something i will never forgive is the mistreatment and exploitation and hate and abandonment of Black women. the world exploits Black women every day. i forgive those who are rude to me. those who even play me. those who think less of me. Forgive them Lord, for they don’t know. but you will NOT continue to get over on my sistas. it is senseless to see so many community events and panels talking about the betterment of Black people without Black women. you cannot create change with women on the sideline. period.

okay.

MEN. WE NEED TO BE WAAAAY MORE AWARE AND SENSITIVE AND PROACTIVE TOWARDS RAPE CULTURE. WE CANNOT ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE. IM GONNA ASK YOU ALL A QUESTION AND WANT YOU TO TAKE A COUPLE MINUTES TO ANSWER…MEN, WHAT DO YOU DO DAILY TO PREVENT YOURSELF FROM BEING RAPED? SERIOUSLY. WHAT CONSCIOUS ACTIONS DO YOU DO *DAILY THAT MIGHT HELP YOU FROM BEING SNATCHED AND RAPED? ……. nothing.

WOMEN, SAME QUESTION.

women carry mase/pepper spray, go on double dates, park in lit areas, don’t run alone at night, make sure their apartment is on the second floor, carry their keys in between their hands when walking to the car, walk across the street when a group of men they don’t know are approaching, don’t put their drinks down at clubs or parties, don’t go to parties solo, sit in the front seat of uber since you can’t put a child’s lock on front seat. maybe 10 15 other precautions i’m missing.

men. let’s educate ourselves. let’s be more careful and mindful. be more understanding. check yourself. check the homies. check your sons and nephews. check ya pops.

fatherhood and father figures. a man role model is essential for a daughter. a man’s presence in the house is vital. a father lays down the law. it is expected. the father creates the sense of emotional and physical security. it is established by the man in the house. when a father is affectionate and supportive, it does wonders. a financially strong, emotionally stable, supportive and productive, loving and dedicated father will (more than likely) produce a daughter who, at the time of serious dating, will seek a financially strong, emotionally stable, supportive, productive, loving and dedicated partner. a daughter who witnessed a father in the house will more likely, if a kid is in the plan, make sure her kid has a father figure in the house. daughters tend to model their relationships after their fathers. those daughters who do have a relationship with their father tends to be less likely to experience (or at least report) depression. verbal encouragement from a father to his daughter is like magic. this goes back to the first couple paragraphs when i said a man is vital in every interpersonal relationship. girls/women draw conclusions on how boys/men should perform from close men in their life. i.e, a father figure, uncle, older brother. the attitude that that man possesses will reflect how she sees her own self and how she might think men should treat her and others. that’s the guide.

lemme tell you something. a man will sleep with a koolaid smile every night if he hears his daughter say “daddy’s home” when he walks in the door. he doesn’t have to know she had a bad day or a great day but hearing his offspring be juiced and excited to see daddy is life.

hearing his wife say daddy is home is golden. having his life partner and woman whom he invested in for the long run be excited and happy and proud that her man just walked through the door will brighten his day. my protector has arrived. my soldier has arrived. my provider has arrived. my favorite man just walked through that door.

MEN. FATHERS. HUSBANDS. BE IN YOUR KIDS LIFE. PRIMARY. YOU NEED TO BE A PRIMARY LEADER AND PARENT. YOU NEED TO BE PRESENT AT DOCTOR VISITS, NOT JUST THE MOTHER. YOU NEED TO KNOW IMPORTANT DATES. YOU NEED TO STAY UP AND BAKE COOKIES SOMETIMES TOO. YOU NEED TO WALK HIM TO SCHOOL. YOU NEED TO GO SCHOOL SHOPPING WITH HER. doctor visits and parent teacher meetings are not reserved just for momma. you NEED to be there at your kid’s recital. some things are reserved for the mother as she can give insight you do not have. but if your presence is needed, just be there and stay silent. your kids need to see a union. a duo. a power support system.

a son, similarly, models not just relationships after his father, but models HIMSELF after his father. so if a boy doesn’t have a father or father figure, who is he looking up to? about 76% of teachers are women. about 80% are white. Black men, you better show up and out for your Black son.

boys seek approval from their father. boys imitate their fathers almost to the point. a father who is assertive, revolutionary, revered, physically strong will more times than not duplicate a son with similar qualities. a son’s first super hero is their father. a father/son relationship is a thing of beauty if you have seen a healthy working one. a FATHER IS A GUIDE TO A BOY. A MAN IS A GUIDE TO A BOY. NO ONE CAN BE A GUIDE TO MANHOOD TO A BOY OTHER THAN A MAN. my nephew doesn’t have an active father. he has an older sister and a momma. and me. if i was not there daily talking to him, checking him, affirming him, congratulating him, he would not have an adequate amount of interactions with a man. he would not know how to speak to a man. he’s 9 years old. at age 15, he might think it’s okay to pop off at the mouth with boys his age or older. and he might very well get popped or beat up due to never having a real relationship with a man. how can anyone blame him? he didn’t know. talking to a woman is essential. talking to a man as a boy gives you a marker. a limbo bar. he knows he needs to shake hands firmly. he knows he needs to stand up when shaking hands. he knows he needs to have a strong confident tone when dealing with men. he knows he can’t just talk to anyone in whatever tone he feels because he had a bad day. these are things we haven’t spoke about yet things he have seen and picked up on. we never spoke about a firm handshake. these are things women would have to consciously initiate but men do naturally and it is picked up.

having a father who is connected emotionally allows the opportunity to exist for the boy to be more aware in relationships (working, platonic, intimate, familial) and communicate better with men and women. boys who have close relationships with their fathers are more likely to anticipate a committed relationship down the road. my father greatly loved HIS mother. he taught me to greatly love and respect and appreciate MY mother. how i treat women in my life is a direct reflection of how my father treated my mother in front of me and when i wasn’t around. when he was not around, my mother will have a certain glow to her due to the treatment she received from my father. i noticed that glow and desired the same affect on the women i love. i want my partner to glow when i’m not around and others will correctly assume she has a real man. THAT stems from my dad. my dad is the perfect man. he is the perfect man because of his imperfections. if God can use him with all of his flaws, God can fashoooo work with me and mine. i cannot follow a man if he is perfect. i can’t relate. so being mentored by a perfect person is a set up. so pops, it ain’t your wins in life that helped me, it’s your failures as well. him showing me and talking about the mishaps as not only a Black man, but a man is what made me mature and develop. so many things i could have found out last week about manhood through error, i found out ten years ago through HIS errors and successes. i wish more men had and will have the opportunity to have a father so committed to raising a son.

me being romantic and having a desire for love and happiness and the positive image i see family comes from a mother and a father in the house. period. those with both parents present or those with healthy relationships with parents tend to have a better understanding of love. my dad to this day kisses my forehead when i see him. there isn’t a conversation that i have with my mom that doesn’t end with “love you.” not one. do you understand how important these acts and words are for men (really humans) to experience from youth to adulthood? having a loving father from childhood who didn’t stop showing love in my adulthood is CRUCIAL yo. my momma telling me EVERY DAY she loves me is ESSENTIAL to positive health. those who saw a man love a woman and a woman love a man constantly will prob follow suit. this doesn’t have to be their parents. you don’t necessarily have to see your mom love your father. but seeing a torn damaged relationship in your adolescent years will influence how you see commitment, love and romance. iiiiii believe you can still love, but you might have a greater chance of possessing a wall of distrust or a “i don’t deserve this great love” or you ain’t a playa you just crush a lot mentality.

an absent father makes a boy seek authority from other males. right or wrong. the door is open. an absent father leaves room for a daughter to seek love in all the wrong ways from other males. having a present father results in greater behavioral outcomes for son and psychological health in daughters.

look at society. society currently is doomed. credit that to absent fathers. absent men. men are at the forefront of every relationship. men are born to be leaders. that does not mean every male should be followed. it means every male has the ability to be a man and every man has the blood to be a leader. when you see a crumbling society, absent fathers are rampant. leaders are not leading. when you see kids wylin, ask how the relationship with their father is. when you see a boy acting up or a girl running around, see what’s going on psychologically. we can probably connect it to their father. (this is extra but people with daddy’s still might have daddy issues. shhhhh)

the relationships or lack thereof with a kid and father will directly influence future relationships with everyone from adolescence to death.

leaders must lead their home before they can lead outside.

women will blindly follow a man who knows direction and his purpose. a woman will get in formation when a real man knows his role and is doing a great job at it. don’t let social media fool you. don’t let movies fool you. a man is a thing.

a man is a male who is not defined by age. being a man comes with a certain mentality. certain maturity. a male who has integrity and respect for men and women resembles a man. a man is a male who has morals and will not be easily swayed. a man is able to adapt. a man provides. what is provided is determined by what is needed in the respective relationship. a man is not threatened by his woman. successful career wife or not. a man might not have to whoop the kids, my dad never did. but a man establishes authority. a mans voice alone can make a baby straighten up and not do what the baby was going to do. a man gets rid of childish ways once a man. period. a man loves. real men are rare. real men are valued. valuable. you’re gonna kill your chances by squandering the real man in your life for scrubs just because “you’re young.” when you have a man in your life, you do what you have to do to secure him because you KNOW a man is needed. a man has security. a man might not have a way at that time but a man finds a way. a man thinks for the future. has a plan. has a back up plan. has an emergency plan. a man is making sure you’re good and him. a man understands that the best tool he has in not between his legs but between his ears. a man is a gift. a man is seeking ways to be better. the phrase “i am a man” carries weight. the phrase comes with obligations. duties. principles. man has discipline. has strength. does not necessarily mean physical strength. the strength can come from experience, vicariously, or teachings from another man. strength and confidence to stand up to those who oppress. and often times, that means checking yourself as men hold privilege.

a man has God. period. you might personally not have a great relationship with the man above but having a man who has a relationship is important. listen to me. YOU might not, but having a man who is intelligent and wise enough to understand he was born flawed and understands he must follow the best leader and director is something to attach yourself to. a man knowing there is someone higher than him who has a blueprint is a requirement, ladies. a man taking lessons from the Lord to lead you both is a blessing. this is to those who dont confuse their culture and a misguided opportunist with a book with the Man in the Book. this is to those who understand what they have been taught about God can be and is probably inaccurate. don’t let the words of a pimp screw up your mind about God.

man is amazing. the man is a blessing from God. a man has the ability to rock your world. a man has the strength to make you submit and love everything that comes with having a man in the house. a man will have you praising God. a real man will be the greatest addition to your and your kids life. a real man will understand his position. a real man will check you and make sure everyone is in line. a real man is secure in his masculinity. a man is necessary. women, treat yourself. spoil yourself with a man. how can he “take you out” and he doesn’t know where he’s going?

i am a man. what are you?

listen to Salt N Peppa Whatta Man. and Nipsey Hussle Hussle and Motivate.

PS. writing is therapeutic. i learn so much while writing. i check myself when writing. i try to be honest with you all by giving real examples and experiences. i do not have it all together. i do not. i am working on bettering myself daily. when we read, often think the writer is authority and they are preaching because they have that subject matter perfected. think again. i’m learning. i need to get better at apologizing and forgiving and saving and credit and loving and not judging. stay patient and enjoy your own journey.