letter to future wife.

to my wife.

there are going to be times you wish i didn’t care so much about seeking justice. times you wish i didn’t give so much time and energy towards a better life for people outside of our blood family. that will drive you insane. it will make you upset at times that i *sometimes put 100 people’s happiness before mine in order to change the outcome for many. and you knew that before marrying me. and that’s part of the reason you DID commit to me. you knew what you were getting into. there are gonna be many nights of you consoling me. praying for me to have even more strength than i already exhibited.

i believe ones principles and what one might fight for and things one care about most… reflect who one marries. your life partner will directly address what and who you care for. look at Lebron. Ali. Wade. Kaepernick. all of these Black men committing to Black women. and look at their fight and how they use their voice and platform. look at Tiger Woods. Kobe. Kanye. look at their dedication towards issues. and look at who they are committed to. i don’t believe i would have the same passion and fight without the union between me and Black women. now, i am Black first. man, second. i sincerely believe being a Black man and having a Black spouse and Black kids highers the consciousness and highers the urge to fight for a better life and ultimately give what you can and more to your external family.

who you marry is a reflection of who you are and what matters most.

but Wife, you got me. you got all of me. you gotta man who loves you. you got a man who is invested in you and our offspring. you gotta man who has worked on himself in order to be a full man for you and your kids. you don’t have a broken glass you must piece together in order to get a full frame, cutting yourself in the process. you don’t have to heal me. you don’t have a project. not saying i am perfect and not working on bettering myself, simply saying, you don’t have to spend time healing me. i am the best i can be today, but will be better tomorrow and the next day.

there are going to be times that you get really pissed that i won’t take the L. and you will ultimately love me for that. it might be hard at times because it’s YOU but understand… manager’s get the same treatment. corporations get the same treatment. teachers do too. pastors do too. understand that having principles doesn’t stop.

you have a man who understands to not fix all of your issues but rather help you find the tools or sharpen the tools you already possess.

Wife, you have a man who is your friend. who is your biggest supporter. fan. i ain’t supporting foolery. i tell you that neeeeow. but i got you. you won’t ever have to doubt that. you won’t ever have to even think about it.

you have a man that will invest into you. i support the things that bring you joy.

you have a man who is direct. who makes decisions. who is going to tell you what i am capable of doing and what i am not.

you gotta husband who loves you unconditionally. that’s responsibility for you to not abuse that but i trust you enough to not even worry. my love for you is unshakable.

you gotta husband who reads.

you gotta husband who loves his history. loves his people. loves his culture.

you gotta husband who loves himself. knows his value.

you gotta husband who is going to push you.

i accept you for who you are NOW. i won’t think i can make you into someone else. i won’t change you. i will be there helping you become the best you.

i am willing to sacrifice my schedule.

you have a husband who puts you first. but if we have kids… i mean. don’t make me choose but…. i plead the fif.

you have a husband who learned from his dad and mom. who read and watched and listened. who prayed and waited for responses. who has been humbled and knows what humility is.

you have a husband who doesn’t value money. a husband who understands money is a tool. not a master. a husband who knows how to use money. i repeat, one who knows how to use money.

you have a husband who prays. prays hard. that should excite you. you have a husband who is decisively lead by the Lord. we will have disagreements. we will have discussions on many issues. i am a child of God and it’s a great feeling knowing you are as well. that makes a powerful team. a powerful system. this beach ain’t always gonna be a paradise. there will be tough times. there will be times we’re both fed up with each other. know that.

Wife, you are the first lady in my life. my mother knows that. my sisters are aware of that. that won’t change. but my momma is my momma. my sisters are my sisters. don’t abuse that position. ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no river wide enough. you know the rest.

i know my role and you know yours. that is what makes this love and union special and powerful. me saying that should not be alarming. we would not be here today if we did not know our roles in this relationship. i would not put myself in position to be with someone for life without knowing what my role is in her life and without knowing her role in mine.

you gotta male who’s a man. the definition of it.

i am not intimidated by you. i am not envious of you or anyone in your life. i am thoroughly impressed and grateful and confident of who you are and what you do. that will never change.

now i don’t want you to follow me just because i am a man. check me. challenge me. do not submit to anyone who doesn’t qualify for the position. you took years looking over my resume and you were impressed and ready. follow me because i am a leader. follow me because i have a plan. trust and follow me because i am being directed by the Lord.

listen to Summer by The Caters. listen to Die With You by Beyoncé.